The typical view of kindness is one most of us were introduced to in primary school: We should treat others the way we want to be treated. It’s the golden rule. But I have to wonder if this principle can really be called kindness. An act of true kindness is a spontaneous gesture of goodwill toward someone or something. The Golden Rule, by comparison, seems more like reciprocity -- the trade of one good deed for another.
By the very nature of its definition, reciprocity can not be considered kindness. The Golden Rule has no basis in actual caring, no selfless altruism. It is an act of politeness, done with the expectation that the same manner of politeness will be received. The Rule has its exceptions-- and to its credit, most people who follow the Golden Rule aren't assessing their actions through cost-benefit analysis-- but the whole concept of "what goes around comes around", the karma complex, is not the same as a genuine act of kindness.
True acts of kindness are sincere beyond common courtesies and social expectations. We don’t always know we’re being kind, and we don’t always recognize when others are kind to us. But kindness and kind acts are all around us. Some common examples include such things as smiling and greeting someone in a friendly manner, or giving total attention to someone who is speaking.
In some circumstances, kindness is more subtle, like reaching out to help heal a rift in a friendship we may have neglected a little too long, or honoring our promises and commitments. Honesty is also kindness. While it may sometimes be hard to face, it is always kindest to tell someone the truth that to lie.
I’m not about to begin preaching that everybody should be kind all the time. Nice as that would be, it’s an entirely unrealistic expectation.
What I will advise instead, is that as a community, we take a moment to notice the people who stay after class and put everyone’s chairs up at the end of the day, and acknowledge the students who hold doors for everyone else during fire drills. We should take the time to recognize the friends who always honor their promises and always follow through on their commitments. And if we remember, we should thank these people for their little acts of kindness.
This months goal: Recognize the little things.
Extension: Maybe do a few little things of my own.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
February 4, 2012
Gratitude. An important little aspect of life that many people seem to forget exists beyond a shallow "thank you" now and then. So for the month of February, my Happiness Project will focus on gratitude, and each week will have a new goal centered on or around being grateful. This last month (January), I spent a bunch of time thinking about how to execute this project.
February has been my most dreaded month for years. This is because every year, February is accompanied by fat little cherubs and chocolate hearts. Valentines Day is the bane of my existence. Or it has been in years past. However, this year, I am going to focus on the friends and family that I have, instead of the relationships I don't have. The first week I'll focus on noticing things I am grateful for every day. The second week is going to focus on acknowledging the things I am grateful for, and the third week will be centered on giving back to others.
It's important to recognize and notice what I have and then try to offer something in return. That way, when bad things happen, I always know that I have things to be grateful for, and that I'm lucky to be as fortunate as I am.
February has been my most dreaded month for years. This is because every year, February is accompanied by fat little cherubs and chocolate hearts. Valentines Day is the bane of my existence. Or it has been in years past. However, this year, I am going to focus on the friends and family that I have, instead of the relationships I don't have. The first week I'll focus on noticing things I am grateful for every day. The second week is going to focus on acknowledging the things I am grateful for, and the third week will be centered on giving back to others.
It's important to recognize and notice what I have and then try to offer something in return. That way, when bad things happen, I always know that I have things to be grateful for, and that I'm lucky to be as fortunate as I am.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
January 8: A Project In The Making
Ok, so maybe I won't get around to blogging this every day. But this is primarily due to the fact that I'm ending up doing a lot more of this by hand than I originally thought I would be. I keep a notebook with me though to record my "adventures" in, and will try to transfer the writings from there to here at least once a week. Sorry for not having much to say yet. Not much has been happening in Rae's Wonderful World. Oh well. I'll post something exciting soon. Until then, Stay Happy! Your friend, Rae.
Monday, January 2, 2012
January the 2nd, Day 1 : Genesis
I regret that it takes a lifetime to learn how to live.
Does it really take an entire life to learn how to live? If so , why bother having an entire life at all. If you spend the whole length of it discovering something you never get any use out of, why work so hard to discover it? I briefly consider the options, before my mind is already spinning ahead into the abyss of thoughts swirling around in my brain.
I am a writer. As a writer, I tend to think more than is necessary about everything. I notice little things, and let them get under my skin to the point that I am so aggravated by them I am nearly batty. The year 2011 passed by with considerably more excitement than previous years. In its wake, I was left pondering whether or not I did the right thing in all the moments in which I could have said something to someone and didn't, or decided to say something to someone in a moment when perhaps I should have stayed silent. The more I thought about this, the more unhappy I became. And the unhappier I was, the more I realized that sometimes trying to think about what is making me unhappy will only make me more unhappy. But other times, it is necessary otherwise emotions become buried too deep and come out in other less intellectually fueled and more primitive ways.
In the past year, 2011, I have been involved in more PR crisises than a journalist with diarrhea. In retrospect, the second half of the year was considerably better then the first half. Or maybe it was only the middle section that was really great. Anyways, looking back, I noticed a pattern in all the times I was disgruntled or miffed or irked, or simply pissed off: during all those times, I was thinking. Thinking is not, inherently, a bad thing when seen in a "grand scheme of things" light. But up close, it was always the same. It was not enough to say that the source of my depression came from my thinking. Specifically, it was how I was thinking that ultimately dragged me down.
The Happiness Project is my life-changing epiphany. By changing the way I think about things, little by little, I can become a happier person. And hopefully, by being happier, I can learn to appreciate life as it happens, to live while I'm alive, and to treat everyone with compassion. It won't be easy, living happily never is. But there are three sides to everything: the good, the bad, and the truth. What is easy is to focus on the bad side. What's also easy, is to decide to see only the good and ignore the bad as though it doesn't exist and will go away if you simply burry your head in the sand long enough. The hardest thing to do is to know what is true, and decide to see the good in the bad, while acknowledging the fact that the negativity exists. Hard, but necessary.
For each month, I am going to set a goal; sleep better, stress less, be nicer, spend more time with people I care about and may have unintentionally hurt... etcetera. Every day, I will write about this experience and see how it affects my life. And with any luck, it won't take me a lifetime to learn how to live, but that whatever life lessons I get out of this Happiness Project can be applied for the rest of my life.
Semper Fidelis,
Rae
Does it really take an entire life to learn how to live? If so , why bother having an entire life at all. If you spend the whole length of it discovering something you never get any use out of, why work so hard to discover it? I briefly consider the options, before my mind is already spinning ahead into the abyss of thoughts swirling around in my brain.
I am a writer. As a writer, I tend to think more than is necessary about everything. I notice little things, and let them get under my skin to the point that I am so aggravated by them I am nearly batty. The year 2011 passed by with considerably more excitement than previous years. In its wake, I was left pondering whether or not I did the right thing in all the moments in which I could have said something to someone and didn't, or decided to say something to someone in a moment when perhaps I should have stayed silent. The more I thought about this, the more unhappy I became. And the unhappier I was, the more I realized that sometimes trying to think about what is making me unhappy will only make me more unhappy. But other times, it is necessary otherwise emotions become buried too deep and come out in other less intellectually fueled and more primitive ways.
In the past year, 2011, I have been involved in more PR crisises than a journalist with diarrhea. In retrospect, the second half of the year was considerably better then the first half. Or maybe it was only the middle section that was really great. Anyways, looking back, I noticed a pattern in all the times I was disgruntled or miffed or irked, or simply pissed off: during all those times, I was thinking. Thinking is not, inherently, a bad thing when seen in a "grand scheme of things" light. But up close, it was always the same. It was not enough to say that the source of my depression came from my thinking. Specifically, it was how I was thinking that ultimately dragged me down.
The Happiness Project is my life-changing epiphany. By changing the way I think about things, little by little, I can become a happier person. And hopefully, by being happier, I can learn to appreciate life as it happens, to live while I'm alive, and to treat everyone with compassion. It won't be easy, living happily never is. But there are three sides to everything: the good, the bad, and the truth. What is easy is to focus on the bad side. What's also easy, is to decide to see only the good and ignore the bad as though it doesn't exist and will go away if you simply burry your head in the sand long enough. The hardest thing to do is to know what is true, and decide to see the good in the bad, while acknowledging the fact that the negativity exists. Hard, but necessary.
For each month, I am going to set a goal; sleep better, stress less, be nicer, spend more time with people I care about and may have unintentionally hurt... etcetera. Every day, I will write about this experience and see how it affects my life. And with any luck, it won't take me a lifetime to learn how to live, but that whatever life lessons I get out of this Happiness Project can be applied for the rest of my life.
Semper Fidelis,
Rae
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