The typical view of kindness is one most of us were introduced to in primary school: We should treat others the way we want to be treated. It’s the golden rule. But I have to wonder if this principle can really be called kindness. An act of true kindness is a spontaneous gesture of goodwill toward someone or something. The Golden Rule, by comparison, seems more like reciprocity -- the trade of one good deed for another.
By the very nature of its definition, reciprocity can not be considered kindness. The Golden Rule has no basis in actual caring, no selfless altruism. It is an act of politeness, done with the expectation that the same manner of politeness will be received. The Rule has its exceptions-- and to its credit, most people who follow the Golden Rule aren't assessing their actions through cost-benefit analysis-- but the whole concept of "what goes around comes around", the karma complex, is not the same as a genuine act of kindness.
True acts of kindness are sincere beyond common courtesies and social expectations. We don’t always know we’re being kind, and we don’t always recognize when others are kind to us. But kindness and kind acts are all around us. Some common examples include such things as smiling and greeting someone in a friendly manner, or giving total attention to someone who is speaking.
In some circumstances, kindness is more subtle, like reaching out to help heal a rift in a friendship we may have neglected a little too long, or honoring our promises and commitments. Honesty is also kindness. While it may sometimes be hard to face, it is always kindest to tell someone the truth that to lie.
I’m not about to begin preaching that everybody should be kind all the time. Nice as that would be, it’s an entirely unrealistic expectation.
What I will advise instead, is that as a community, we take a moment to notice the people who stay after class and put everyone’s chairs up at the end of the day, and acknowledge the students who hold doors for everyone else during fire drills. We should take the time to recognize the friends who always honor their promises and always follow through on their commitments. And if we remember, we should thank these people for their little acts of kindness.
This months goal: Recognize the little things.
Extension: Maybe do a few little things of my own.
